


A Circle of Emotions

by greenblanketbythefire



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Pregnancy, Married Couple, Vayne didn’t die at the end of XII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27623372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenblanketbythefire/pseuds/greenblanketbythefire
Summary: Vayne is recovering from his defeat on the Bahamut. His wife is devoted to him but that does not mean she approves of his actions. When he finally seems to be doing better, she makes her anguish known.
Relationships: Vayne Carudas Solidor/Original Female Character(s), Vayne Carudas Solidor/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	A Circle of Emotions

It was a complicated matter. To say I was upset would not be a lie. To say I was almost completely devastated when told what had happened would also not be a lie. I just couldn’t believe he’d do such a thing. I couldn’t. How could he have lied to me? About _so much?_

Vayne came home battered, bruised, and exhausted. Healing magic could only do so much for the sort of combat he’d been in. He barely held on by a thread. Larsa explained what had happened, though he was also in a sad state when they arrived. Vayne shouldn’t even have made it, he had said, not with the sort of magic both he and his opponents were using. Mist and Quickenings…

“We have peace at last,” Larsa said solemnly. He looked at Vayne with heartbreak in his eyes. “But I cannot tell if this… if this was worth it.”

The former emperor was then confined to the medical ward for days and then to our bed. Larsa continued to explain as much as he could recall. On the occasion I asked Vayne to, he said he didn’t have the strength for a full conversation about it. So I waited. And waited. And cared for him as a wife should. All the while wondering where my beloved husband had gone and when… _this_ … had replaced him.

It took a month or two, I think, for him to come to some sort of strength that he could care for himself again. He was still exhausted, both physically and mentally, nursing fatal wounds a dying Judge and an apprentice sky-pirate had given him. He came clean off of nethicite’s influence, a substance I only had very little knowledge of before all of this. If I had known what it would _do_ to him…

“You’re very lucky, you know,” I said quietly from my place on the bed as he continued his rest one day. The setting sun’s light was filtering through the window curtains. Our previously loving relationship was close to declining and the very thought was tearing my heart into pieces.

“So you keep telling me,” he mumbled, shifting himself and wincing at the still aching pain. I moved to help him. 

“If you keep moving, it’ll keep hurting.”

“Forgive me for not being _comfortable—”_

With a muffled, pained breath, he found a comfortable enough position. I gently stroked the hair out of his face. He sighed.

“Lucky you love me,” he finished my earlier thought. “Lucky you don’t leave me.”

I looked at him in surprise. I’d never said that _last_ bit.

“You needn’t say it; I can tell you _think_ it.”

I tore my eyes away from him.

“I can tell you think I deserve it.”

“And if I didn’t love you, I would,” I told him. “If you didn’t have me wrapped so tightly around your finger…”

He lightly chuckled and then coughed at the pain it caused him. “You still think that…?”

“Would you disagree?”

“My darling wife, it is _I_ who is tightly wound around _your_ finger. Your entire hand, I might say, your entire _being.”_

I sighed, heart warming at his words and endearment. I wished he wouldn’t talk that way when I was trying to be serious.

“You lied to me,” I whispered. My throat felt a bit tight. “About _everyth—”_

“About very little,” he interrupted. “I admit freely that I _did_ lie to you, but it was to keep you out of fire.”

“That is no excuse for anything and you know it.”

He reached for my hand. “Then tell me what it is that upsets you so.”

Stubbornly, I refused to hold it. “About _you.”_

“What about me?”

“You lied to me about _you.”_

“Really? Do tell me when I did.”

“The entire time I got to know you, that I… fell in love with you, you were lying to me. Lying that you cared more for you family than anything else—”

His eyebrows furrowed. “_______, I—”

“—that you wanted to do everything you could for the betterment of Archadia, that you wanted to protect our people, not _repeatedly put them in harm’s way._ That you wanted to make a better world, Vayne. You lied to me because all you wanted was _power._ And _somehow_ I was too blind in love to see it.”

I refused to look at him.

“You’re no better than any other politician.”

“_______…” Vayne grunted as he shifted again. There was a pained wheeze and I realized he was trying to sit up. I gently forced him back down.

“Stay down and _rest,_ damn it.”

“Then believe me when I say,” his voice strained, “that I never once lied to you about any of that. As your husband and a man of House Solidor, I promise it.”

My heart clenched. He would only swear on his family’s name if he meant it.

“And I know you’re pained and hurt by how much I’ve done without your knowledge. But if you had known, you would have tried to stop me.”

“And what’s so wrong with that?” I demanded, looking at him finally. He gazed at me sadly. “What’s wrong with _refraining_ from something every once and while?”

“Our world was at risk, _______, it was almost at _war._ Someone had to stop it.”

“You mean _start_ it.”

He sighed. “Yes. But it was either myself or Rozarria.”

That much I knew myself, but I wasn’t too upset about that—a war between the two empires was bound to happen. But…

“I meant the _nethicite,_ Vayne.”

“Ah.” He glanced away. “Yes, that is… less forgivable. But I did tell you more than I did Larsa.”

“It is still _lying.”_

“Not more so than simply leaving out a few details.”

“A **_few?!_** _”_ He winced at my volume. “Sorry. Vayne, it was not just a _few._ And if it _was,_ then they were _very_ ** _big_** details.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “And I am _sorry,_ my love.”

“Don’t you ‘my love’ me.”

“It was for the good of the world, dearest.”

“Stop that. And how am I to know? You won’t explain anything to me!”

“I assumed Larsa already had.”

“He only knows so much. You’ve refused to answer any of my questions.”

“Would you even believe me if I told you?”

I’m not sure why that broke me but it did. My throat tightened to a painful degree. Slowly watering eyes finally brimmed over and the tears spilled.

“You could have _died…!”_ I finally managed to choke out. “You could have _died…”_

When he took my hand this time, I squeezed his hard. It was a quiet few moments as I tried to calm myself. But I had been the strong one for both of us for the last month. I needed what comfort I could find for keeping all of this to myself. And of course my go-to source of it was him.

I soon found my head resting on his shoulder, body curled up around him. He whispered sincere apologies. With a struggled movement, he was able to wrap an arm around me.

“What I did, I did for _you,_ my dear,” he uttered softly. “For you _and_ Larsa. That the burden of following what the gods say no longer falls upon you. It was what I wished for more than anything. That our family be free to make our own choices.”

I shook my head but couldn’t find the words to say anything.

“And I succeeded, love.” He sighed in great relief. “I did what I meant to do, and I am here with you now, I promise. I will not stray from your side again.”

Sniffling, I asked him what he meant. He hadn’t succeeded at all. Larsa had taken over, the war had ended as soon as it started, and Vayne was deemed unfit to rule. It was a spectacular failure.

With another coughing chuckle, he explained, “What mattered above all was separating Ivalice from the Occuria, the gods who used us as game pieces. My… accomplices and I managed to do just that.”

“And… you’re happy with that?”

He moved his head to rest against mine. “Very happy. I can now focus on the next thing that matters most, and that is our family and repairing the damage I’ve done to it.”

“You work too hard, Vayne.”

He laughed shortly. “Yes, perhaps I do.”

“...You really don’t care that you lost? That could’ve died?”

“Of course I _care,_ but this is what I wanted to happen. Larsa is on the throne, the Occuria are gone, and you and I are still happily together.”

“Hmm…”

“What is it?”

“Did you… _want_ to die, then?”

“No, but I was prepared to, knowing I did what I could.”

I hummed again. “Well, that isn’t very fair.”

“Nothing truly is, but how so…?”

I gently reached across to him. “Once again, you’re very lucky.”

“And once again, I ask how so…?”

I looked up at him, and for the first time in a month, smiled a real, joyous smile. “Well, if you had died… you would be leaving a child without his father.”

Vayne paused. Then he blinked. “Y-you’re…?”

“And to think you would have left me to care for them all alone.”

He shifted again, more towards me. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

“Well, I was very cross with you. And I still am, by the way, you’re going to have to work very hard to make up for what you’ve done.”

“O-of course, but… How-How… far along are you?”

“A couple months, maybe two and a half…?”

“And you didn’t _tell me?”_

“I wanted to wait till you recovered more. And, like I said, I’m very upset with you. Now Vayne, my beloved husband…”

He pulled his gaze from where it was looking at my stomach. “Hmm?”

“You’re going to apologize to Larsa for not listening to him if you want any active involvement in our child’s life.”

He opened his mouth to speak but I kept going.

_“And_ you’re going tell me everything that happened with you and that… Occuria…?”

“And Dr. Cid?”

“Yes, him too.”

“Very well.”

“Even if you don’t think I’ll like it. You’re telling me _everything.”_

He tightened his grip around me. “Of course. It’s a much longer tale than you think.”

“Well, I look forward to hearing it. … _We_ look forward to hearing it.”

Being wary of his injuries, I held him more tightly, too.

“But now you sleep, okay? You need your rest.”

“Mmm, and I _would_ if you wouldn’t keep blathering on…”

“I will if you keep doing the same like you always do.”

He closed his eyes. “And here we are, in a never ending conversation, neither of us able to cease speaking.”

I propped myself up and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Exactly. Sleep well, my sweetheart.”

“You’ll wake me for dinner?”

_“Vayne._ Go to _sleep.”_

“Yes, dearest.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! :D


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